A History of Dating

Going on dates and being in a relationship has not always been as casual and unstained as we know it nowadays. For a very long time it was not even possible for two unmarried people to be in one room without anyone keeping an eye on them (and mostly that was either the mother or the governess - imagine taking them on the date with you...).

So I thought I would look into the history of dating and romance and related to that the history of marriage. Here is a time line for you - I hope you like it!



ca. 1550–1070 AD  In ancient Egypt 'marriage' actually only meant moving in together. There is no proof that there has been any sort of civil or religious ceremony like a wedding. Furthermore marriages were not necessarily arranged. There is a tale about a girl falling in love with a slave. When the parents realised there was no way to change her mind the father set him free and gave him money to start their life together.

There are reports that infidelity was punished very hard. Cheating women were sentenced to death and cheating husbands beaten with a cane thousand times. Apparently wives accepting their husbands affairs were punished as well. I guess those Egyitans were very loyal married couples.



He doesn't look very happy...

2nd Century AD In Rome marriage was holy. Like in Egypt there was no official ceremony or religious ritual. The legal age for a woman to be married was between 12 and 14. Most of the marriages were arranged however if the girl dislike her future husband too much unbeseeming to make them getting married. Cheating wives were not executed anymore but had to pay high penalties - how romantic.

12th Century BC The book The Art of Courtly Love advised that "True love can have no place between husband and wife." Apparently clandestine meetings between men and women, generally outside of marriage or before marriage, were the precursors to today's dating.

1155 At this time a great tradition started in Western Europe and especially Germany, the Minnesang. The word minne is an old German word for love and sang - well it means singing. Consequently Minnesang meant knights and noblemen singing love songs to their chosen one.

Here is an example for such a love song:

 

Middle High German original

Dû bist mîn ich bin dîn.

des solt dû gewis sîn.

dû bist beslozzen

in mînem herzen.

verlorn ist das sluzzelîn.

dû muost immêr darinne sîn!

Modern German

Du bist mein, ich bin dein,

dessen sollst du gewiss sein.

Du bist verschlossen
in meinem Herzen,
Verloren ist das Schlüsselein-
du musst immer darin sein.
English

You are mine, I am yours

Of that you may be sure

Deep within my heart

You're safely locked away

But I have lost the key

And there you'll ever stay

I don't think Michael Bublé could have said it any better!

1595 Romeo and Julia. The ultimate Romance and Tragedy and one of the most famous couples of all times. Written by William Shakespeare it is about the two young lovers Romeo from Montague and Julia Capulet that fall in love. The problem is that their families are sworn enemies and their love would never be accepted by their families. Additionally after a fight in which Romeos friend is killed by Julia's cousin, Romeo seeks revenge and kills him. Not exactly the basis for a love long marriage. Well I am sure you all know the ending of this love story. I would say Romeo and Julia are the symbol for romance and true love.



18th Century It only took a few decades after the invention of the modern newspaper in 1690 for the new medium to become a way for people to meet in Britain. Matrimonial agencies were big business there by the early 18th century, printing ads on behalf of men who paid the agency to recruit them a good wife. Being single passed the age of 21 was considered almost shameful in that era, and the ads were often a last resort for the men who advertised and the women who read them.




19th Century Dating was sometimes described as a "courtship ritual where young women entertained gentleman callers, usually in the home, under the watchful eye of a chaperone".





1813 Pride and Prejudice. Jane Austen was one of the first women writing novels about love, marriage and dating. However there still was no 'going to the movies' or 'taking the girl out for dinner'. At least the well-heeled people met at balls or other social functions. According to Austen's books, balls and dancing where the only intimate moments couples could have before deciding whether they liked each other or not. And even then there were another 200 people in the room - how intimate.

1837 In England and Wales civil marriages have been recognised as a legal alternative to church marriages under the Marriage Act.

1861 Queen Victoria and Prince Albert. One of the more modern of tragic love stories is just over a hundred years old and from an unlikely source — the British royal family. The love that Queen Victoria felt for her husband Prince Albert was as genuine as her 63-year reign was long, say historians, and his untimely death in 1861, 40 years before hers, devastated the otherwise powerful monarch. Victoria favoured the colour black for the rest of her life and spent much of the last decades of her reign in relative seclusion. When she finally passed away in 1901, she was interred in their common mausoleum and had these words inscribed over the door: "Farewell best beloved, here at last I shall rest with thee, with thee in Christ I shall rise again."

20th Century Dating began at the beginning of the 20th century, implemented by upper class women who were moving into academic and professional circles. They demanded the right to be able to dine out with a man and not damage their reputation. They also craved the freedom that going out on a date gave them, away from the prying eyes of their parents. They would sneak out to the dance halls to meet who they wanted. However lower class couples would still date out of economic reasons.

1950s The shift from courting to dating also shifted the power in the relationships; as men were the ones who paid for the dates, they were the ones in control. Rather than women inviting men to call, men invited women out on dates. The whole etiquette had changed, and by the 1950s books told girls never to invite a man to her home, or elsewhere, as this would be breaking THE RULES (also see my previous post 'How to survive the First Date').

1986 Matchmaker.com was founded, the very first online dating service.

1992 First text message was sent. This should soon also change the dating culture. Here are some texting rules.

1998 You've Got Mail, a film in which the two protagonists conduct a relationship entirely over email before meeting each other.



1998 SpeedDating is invented by Rabbi Yaacov Deyo of Aish HaTorah and was originally thought as a way for single Jewish people to meet others to date and marry.



Forever alone....



1998 Forrester Research published a report on the online "adult content" industry estimating $750 million to $1 billion in annual revenue.



2001 Same-sex marriages were legalised in following countries: Argentina, Belgium, Canada, Iceland, the Netherlands, Norway, Portugal, Spain, South Africa, and Sweden.

2004 Mark Zuckerberg launches the website Facebook (let's not argue about who thought of it first) - dating changed drastically! Now before you agree on going on a date you can check the other one out online. Birthday, occupation, photos and hobbies - if you don't like it, chancel. How romantic.  





http://www.meninuniform.co.uk/



2010 Uniform Dating was founded. For everyone fancying a bit of a fire fighter or a police man - dating has evolved within the last couple of decades to something so generic, is there still real romance out there? Tell me what you think - maybe I forgot an all important event in dating history? I'm looking forward to your comments!