Frederike dishes the dirt: I went on many dates!

When I met Frederike, 25, the first time she won me over with her calmness and confidence. She felt comfortable in her own skin and was open and friendly to everyone. Now, two years later, we are good friends and have been through a lot of situations together – and going on dates (and discussing them afterwards) was definitely one of them! That’s why I decided to pick her brains about romantic dates and what she ultimately had learned from them.


Picking her brains in a relaxed atmosphere



When we meet I can see that Frederike is looking forward to looking back on her dating history.



“I’ve been on many dates. And believe it or not the more experience you have the better they get!” she says, smiling knowingly. As someone who writes a blog about dates going wrong, I can’t quite believe this and we start going back to one of her first dates.


“I must have been about 14” she says, “it was completely innocent. This cute boy from school, his name was Lukas, asked me if I would like to have ice cream with him one time. At that time I thought he was the bravest person in the whole school for asking – talking to the other gender was not easy! After all we went and had ice cream and he was very funny. We had a great time!” I want to know what happened next – was there another date? Frederike grins and replies: “Oh no, we were boyfriend and girlfriend after. Back then it meant holding hands in public. However it didn’t last very long – soon there was a new girl that was more interesting than me. I guess that was the first ever bad boy I dated”.

This seemed to be the beginning of many dates to come for Frederike. “I don’t do the whole casual dating thing. For me going on a date is exciting and also a bit of a thrill because you never know what happens. Meeting someone in a nightclub is a terrible way of meeting.” I agree but want to know how she can keep up going on all those dates and how she secures them in the first place.


“Well, there are good times and bad times. During exam periods etc there are no dates to go on but when everybody is happy and relaxed – especially during summer – guys just ask me. Or I ask them – why shouldn’t the woman be proactive?”


Again everything she says makes perfect sense. It seems like it became a bit of a sport for her to go out on dates. What makes it so special then?


“It is the atmosphere” she says, “you make an effort to look nice and the boy – or now man – does too. And then you are tiptoeing around subjects finding out what the other person likes and doesn’t. It is fun! Once for example, I went on a date with a football fanatic. I didn’t know this before but it became clear very quickly that there was hardly anything else on his mind than football; needless to say that that was our only date.”


We come to the point of dates gone wrong and how to avoid that to happen. Is there a special trick or technique to make your date a successful one?


“Well, first of all – and I know this sounds lame – be yourself. However never be too comfortable that you would behave like you do watching telly with your close friends. Also listen. There is nothing worse than talking about something the other isn’t interested in without noticing; or having to listen to someone talking about something boring for hours. As I said, football-guy was not a successful date!”


This seems all fairly simple advice. Does it always work or were there dates that went horribly wrong?


“Of course there were. You can’t influence everything, sometimes it is just not your lucky day. I once went out for a drink with a guy to a bar where his ex-girlfriend served us. Believe me, it was the most awkward situation in my entire life! This wasn’t even our first date but we had been out before and were quite intimate. He apparently didn’t know that she worked there, but as it was him picking the bar I am still not sure if I was just there to prove a point.”


This seems like quite a horrible thing to do to a girl, how can one cope with being part of a game between ex-partners?


“Well, you stay calm, smile, take the drink and excuse yourself soon because you are tired or have work in the morning. The most important thing about dating is, that you must never lose your dignity and your self-composure. Otherwise you will be the one making a scene. But as long as you can get out with a smile and a nice good bye you are fine.”


But isn’t it still hurtful?


“Never take a failed date personal! Sometimes you just don’t click. No matter how charming, funny and good looking a guy might seem at first sight, he might just not be your cup of tea. Maybe he is too arrogant; or just simply not clever enough. You never know beforehand. That’s why you have to go on the date to find out.”


Well, I think I learned a lot about going on dates and when Frederike describes them, it sounds terribly easy to do as well. What hold the future for an experienced dater?


“At the moment I am very happy with my boyfriend – who by the way took me out on the best first date ever: Picnic at the beach! It is often the simple stuff that earns you the sympathy points! We still go on dates but it is much more relaxed now because I know that it will be a great evening and that there will be a next one.”

It seems like dating is not that hard after all. One just needs to keep calm and stay oneself.


I would like to thank Frederike very much for telling me her stories of dates she went on.


Do you yourself have anything to add or share? Thank please use the comment box or sent me an email!